So day 30 arrives and I kind of lost momentum here… I am currently 388.8 pounds,, that’s a loss of 27.2 pounds… which I am really happy with… I have been staying under on my calories (sometimes too far under.. more on that later) but have seen small increases in weight the last few days.. I am 2.8 pounds above my ‘green line’ of 1 pound per day.
Since I have been doing so well and this is day 30 I have reset the red and yellow lines (see chart above) I do this because as time progresses because if I dont the yellow and red lines stop being a factor.. for example on 9/10/14 I weight 388.2… that was 1.2 pounds over the green line… but it was 13.3 pounds below the yellow line.. and 18.1 pounds below the red line… if I didn’t reset them I would have too much wiggle room before I hit one of those lines.. resetting them means that I have to be focused and continue doing what I need to do to stay under the lines.
Leaving calories on the table… there have been days this week where I ate way under my caloric goal… Tuesday I ate only 790 calories of the 2440 I am allotted (leaving 1650)… yesterday I ate 1769 calories (leaving 671) This may sound great but it really isn’t… if you don’t eat enough calories you body goes into ‘starvation mode’ and weight loss slows or stops.
Food has become a burden to me in some ways.. the cravings are horrible so I have to distance myself from food when I am craving it. I have said before that it would be much easier if you could just stop eating at all.. like quitting smoking cold turkey… I quit a 2 pack a day habit over 10 years ago cold turkey… have had even a puff since… If I smoked a cigarette today I know I would be back up to two packs a day in less than a week… Dieting is like telling a junkie “you need to kick your habit… but the catch is you have to use just a little everyday” obviously that wouldn’t be very successful… So now I sit there and instead of looking forward to dinner (for example) I loath it… Nothing sounds good to me except maybe the most fattening of junk foods. I stay away from those and then have to eat something I don’t want. last night Cece was busy and we planned for a late dinner (8:00pm) but that became 9:30 and I really didn’t want to go and I really didn’t want anything to eat at all… but I went to a Mexican place we like.. trying to find something that sounded good and was something that I could guesstimate the calories on prooved to me nearly impossible.. that and the mood I was in made it a bad situation.. Matthew ordered Fajitas… Jake ordered a huge burrito… Cece ordered a Carnitas plate… when it got to my turn I ordered a chicken Cesar salad with the dressing on the side… so not what I wanted… I made the best choice I could.. I had zero chips and salsa (the whole drug addict analogy again.. I would have been shoveling them in my mouth if I had just one chip)
The salad was fine… actually really good… but the smells from all the others food was overwhelming… this put me in a worse mood than before dinner… I know I get ‘grumpy’ when I diet for extended periods of time… and I am trying to be better this time and it is hard. watching the food network (porn for fat people) is difficult, shopping for groceries is tough. Driving past all the fast food places each day is almost impossible (I do get a Charbroiled BBQ Chicken sandwich from Carl’s Jr. most mornings as breakfast… 390 calories and very satisfying) None of this is getting easier… and I try to control my mood but I think it comes off as being distant .
Health wise I am okay. No changes to the Neuropathy (Burning sensation on the soles of my feet along with occasional sharp pain just like someone is stabbing an ice pick into my feet) stays at a constant 4 on the pain scale. At times the pain goes up to 7 or 8… I will be scheduling a physical but I want to wait until I lose 40 pounds (about 10% of my starting weight) Hoping that I may be able to get off of some of my medications at some point. Not counting the over the counter stuff for allergies and pain pills for my feet I take 5 different medications a day.. at total 13 pills a day… Add to that my vitamin, low dose aspirin, Claratin, Chlorotabs, Benedryl, Zantac… that is a total of 26 pills a day… I want to trim that down!
Yesterday I made a variation of the weight watcher zero point vegetable soup… When I was in weight watchers I made this soup often… over the years I have made it still but have of course made it not so ‘zero’ anymore… added Chorizo to it lately.. it makes it so much better 😉 So I went back to the basic recipe and added more bell peppers than usual because I like it pretty spicy… My recipe is here: Steve’s Spicy Soup Recipe
Sorry for the long rant… 😉
