Weight: 368.2 pounds
Loss since 8/12/14 (304 days): 47.8 pounds
Loss since top weight (423.6 on 9/13/10): 55.4 pounds
Percentage of goal lost: 32.00%
Caloric limit: 2040 per day
✓
Next Milestone: Repeat past milestone of losing 76 pounds
Target Date: February 6, 2017 (966 more days)
Yesterdays food log is NON-EXISTENT
I’m back with my tail between my legs… I have been out of control with my eating for quite awhile now and it has just gotten worse and worse… I feel horrible and I have lost so much progress… officially I have ‘backtracked’ all the way back to 10/8/2014 or 247 days… I the work, limiting and logging calories… gone… so it’s time to look forward and not dwell and wallow in the past… officially today this is no longer the ‘(Not So) Stealth Diet Update’.. it is my “Lifestyle Update’… this has to be for the long term and no ‘diet’ succeeds long-term… it has to be a lifestyle change.
Before I get into this, first, new site design… was so unhappy with the old design that was just a ‘temporary’ design years ago… finally we have a design I like.. weight themed and bright… Let me know what you think in the comments. Second, the ads… I am an affiliate for the companies you see on the sidebar… clicking and/or buying from them earns me $$… I wanted to make it clear that I have not tried some of these products/services and am not necessarily endorsing them. Third, the weight graph at the top has changed… it now is a live copy of my current chart… this was mainly done to make the posting process quicker (which I am doing in an effort to blog much more frequently)
Okay… I have put back on 41.6 pounds of the 89.4 that I had lost.. I have still lost 47.8 which is great, but I was feeling so much better… I wasn’t as uncomfortable as I was.. my clothes were fitting me better… but now I again feel uncomfortable and also depressed since I have been failing…
I still have long term goals and dreams… 200 pound weight loss… and short term progress goals… I have rewards in place for these milestones… what is missing is the fire.. the motivation.. the dedication to the plan. Everyday when I eat (and I have been binge eating in my opinion) I feel guilt while eating… I know what I am doing is destroying my progress, my health, my life… yet I still do it… it’s a horrible feeling. We have been watching Intervention lately and while I can’t sit here and say that food addiction is anything like heroin addiction or even alcoholism I can say that many of the things the addicts have been saying on the show really echo with me… I have said before that it would be much easier to control my diet if I could just stop eating… completely stop, as if I was going cold turkey off of a drug.. I did it with cigarettes 18 years ago… 2 1/2 packs a day to zero overnight… and I know that if I took a single hit off of one today I would be back up to 2 packs in a week… if I could just stop eating it would be easier that having to eat small amounts each day.. could a heroin addict be successful is they just shot up a little bit each day.. doubtful.
But I can’t just stop eating… I have to eat responsibly and reasonably… and I have to do it for life…
I haven’t truly tracked my calories in MANY months.. I start to then I binge and just stop.. I don’t think there has been an accurate day logged since March 3rd… we know I avoid 3 things when I am out of control.. weighing myself daily, counting calorie and blogging. Today that stops! I have logged my calories so far today (it’s 10:30am right now) and I feel motivated.
On the subject of motivation I really need to get back to what fired me us when I started this journey (this time)… I know part of it was how bad I felt physically.. and of course when I started feeling better instead of pushing forward and getting active since I felt I could I apparently thought that I could relax since I felt better.. much like a mental patient stops taking their medications because they feel better and don’t think they need it when in reality them feeling better is a direct result of being medicated… it’s proving that the medication is working and should be continued… I restricted my calories and lost weight and felt better.. so the calorie restriction was the direct reason I was feeling better… I relaxed (I don’t think I really thought I didn’t need to restrict calories anymore.. like I was cured) and now I don’t feel as good because I have gained weight… so in addition to the reasons I have mentioned here (Being uncomfortable, clothes not fitting as well,etc.) I also need to think about being around for my wife and kids, not becoming immobile, being a motivator… these are all reasons for me to do this and succeed.
On be a motivation for others… one bug thing that has been weighing heavy on my mind is that my son Matthew was really focused and working hard to get fit.. he was eating right and working out like crazy… you could definitely see the changes in him.. about the same time I was floundering with my focus he did as well.. he returned from a Vegas trip and I don’t think he has been working out or watching his food intake much if at all.. He, like me, doesn’t mention it when he is out of control… I feel that part of his lack of focus is that my progress stopped and I backslid… I want to be an example for him and all my kids.. and my friends and family… anyone can lose some weight and then gain it back… few can lose 200 pounds and keep it off… doing that would motivate a lot of people to get fit… That’s what I want to do!
My goals for the next week are:
- Weight myself daily and log into the chart
- Count every calorie, EVERY day on MyFitnessPal.com
- Work out in some way daily (walking, exercise bike, elliptical, working with weights will be the approved workouts)
- Drink at least 56 oz of plain water daily
- Write here at least once a day (small, quick posts are okay)
- Work on being less depressed
- Lose 7 pounds
My planned short term goals and rewards:
- Goal: Exercise 30+ days and lose over 75 pounds
- Reward: Buy Season 2 of Bates Motel DVD’s
- Goal #2: Track calories for 90+ days and 100 pounds lost
- Reward: Buy myself some sort of fitbit type device to wear that will monitor my activity and sleep patterns (one that will integrate with MyFitnessPal.com)
- Goal #3: Drink water for 120+ days and lose 125 pounds
- Reward: As much as I hate using food as a reward, I will go to Fogo de Chão