On February 14, Valentines day, 1981 I was fed up with being alone and not having anyone special to be my valentine and I was also fed up with being fat… at 6′ 5″ and 273 pounds I was about 60-65 pounds overweight… so that night I told myself that I would have someone the next Valentines Day.. and to do that I became the most focused I have ever been on weight loss… to the point of over doing it initially, losing 31 pounds in the first 30 days and beginning to not feel well.. weak… that first 30 days was me weighing in and if I hadn’t lost a pound that day then I wouldn’t eat… water only fast until I was “below the line” on my weight graph… when I was below the line I would eat yogurt, plain turkey breast sandwich and a banana… that’s all… I worked out everyday without fail… I watched Richard Simmons’s TV show and tried some of the recipes… and I ran, every night, increasing my distance every couple of days… I hung a bicycle handlebar over a rafter in the garage and tried to do a pull-up… every night I tried and tried.. in the beginning I didn’t really move at all when I tried… but eventually, after I lost 75 pounds in 1 year, I was able to do a pull up.. actually I got to the point where I could do several… I remember that feeling when I was able to pull my chin up to the rafters and the feeling of accomplishment… happiness… I was running miles each night and a 6 mile cross country course about 3 times a week… I played racquetball and Basketball…  I got down to 198 pounds and looked ‘thin’ for the first time in my life.

I leveled off at around 205 and held that for a couple of years… then I started gaining around the holidays each year.. 15-20 pounds that I would keep until the next holiday.. there were ups and downs in my life and my weight… when I was happy I got ‘comfortable’  and would gain weight… sometimes when I was sad I would gain too… The largest single weight gain occurred when I quit smoking… I had heard that the average weight gain was 11 pounds.. so I focused on staying below that.. and I did for about 3 weeks.. then I relaxed… and gained over 80 pounds in about a year… and then just kept on creeping up to the 400+ pounds that I am today… 30 years of rollercoastering  up an down and up and up… that is ridiculous and insane.. I am a smart guy.. I know exactly what it takes to lose weight in a healthy way.. I know about exercise and diet and mental focus… I know that my upbringing was a big part of why I am obese.. I know all that.. yet I am still inactive… I still eat poor choices in large quantities.. I enjoy the instant gratification and don’t think about the long term… why?  Why is the question.. Why am I not doing everything I can to regain my health and extend my life?  Why am I not doing ANYTHING to accomplish this goal?

I have lost weight before.. I have been active before… I have all the tools I need.. I have an exercise bike.. an elliptical.. a Kinects with Fitness program… Richard Simmons DVD’s.. a jump-rope.. all sitting gathering dust… I have the ability to make whatever choices I want for my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks… there is no reason that I couldn’t start eating healthy, smaller portions right now and stick to it until I am at my goal weight… the only thing stopping me is me!  My ‘block’  is what is preventing me from being the person that my family deserves.  I hesitate in calling it a block for fear of giving it more power by assigning a name to it, but it has been powerful enough for all these years that I don’t think it will matter.  That ‘block’ needs to be destroyed for good.

A few years back I wrote  a personal mission statement which was to give me direction in my life.. I am taking this moment to define for myself what I will do right now for me.  This is my new Personal Health Mission Statement: 

I will make myself (my health specifically) my number one priority.  I will take steps now to be more active each day.  I will prominently display my weight on a graph over my scale and on my blog and update it everyday.  I will focus on making the right choices for my food intake both in quality and quantity.  I will not punish myself for lapses in my focus. 

As the late Randy Pausch said in his ‘Last Lecture’… “Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people.”  I have allowed a brick wall to keep me out for too long… I need to want this badly enough now.

Also, it took me much more than 1 year to get that special Valentine… I had Valentines through the years… but it wasn’t until 15 years ago that I finally found the special one 😉